God, you are truly almighty. Take away this pain and regret. Make me new and help me walk in the correct way, to guide me through my life to your will. Though I will face many different trials and temptations, be my shield and counselor. I pray that you would be by my side through thick and thin, sin and toil, and love and kindness. I love you God. You have a perfect will. Help me line my life for you and to be your witness.
Amen.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Latest Journal Entry - Needing God Through Troublesome Times
So lets see...
Back in February of 2009, I had started a relationship with a girl that lasted 8-9 months. It was ungodly and behind my parent's back. They tried stopping it three times but I continued after each. On the fourth time they succeeded and took away all privileges and everything. So the relationship slowly faded away. I also realized that the girl didn't really love me because she immediately started dating guys like crazy after me. This broke my heart yet made me thankful that I wasn't in a relationship with her. I am glad my parents got me out of it. I was extremely rebellious to my parents, I was sinning against God, and I was a jerk to everyone and my family during that time. The only thing I learned in that 8-9 months was how to do a better job of sneaking around. That was terrible and extremely sinful on my part. Because of that it was easier to do it again in a different relationship.
After a month or two of staying out of a relationship and trying to do good again, I had started another relationship. It started by chatting on Gmail and the conversations slowly got more intimate and more personal. Then after a month or two of that I had asked her if she loved me. That is where it got bad. This relationship lasted 10 months and during this relationship I gave more of my heart, more of my time, and more of my energy and thoughts. At the same time I was trying to focus on college and God. Evidently the relationship took the number one position on everything. It was again behind my parents backs but this time they had no idea for 9 months. During this time I got my first kiss. We also shared our virginity with each other. At the time, this was amazing to me and it was a sign of true love in my sinful eyes. We thought we loved each other and we did, but this was not a Godly kind of love. It was a sinful worldly kind of love. It was probably more lust than love. I now regret loosing my virginity and this was about 2 weeks ago that they caught us. Before they caught us we knew that it was fornication and that it was a major sin. We didn't have God in us and I believe that because of that it was easier for that to happen. I am not using that as an excuse because it was certainly a choice, but its also what happens when God is not in your life. This relationship was on a totally different level then the last one, but the common thing in both were, they were formed out of a worldly lust and view and they were complete rebellion and sin. This one ended with my parents almost having to stop the ministry, which would have been really bad for this town. My dad does tons of work for this town and using my dad and mom, God has changed this town tremendously. If they had stopped then this whole town would have slowly got worse I believe. But, God is now doing a work in my life.
My parents sat down with me the night they found out and I confessed everything. They had a hard time believing it was everything because of how many times I had broken their trust in the past and I don't blame them for it. They talked to me about what I should have done and about why it was wrong and they have helped me a lot. I still look at them and can't believe they still love me. I have made some very bad mistakes and I wouldn't have known how to deal with a child either without making himself feeling so bad that he commits suicide. They are so amazing and God works through them in many mighty ways. I am glad that God has never left me through this time. Without him continuing to be refreshed in my mind and to be constantly reminded of him, then I think I would be in a much worse spot than I am now.
One of my biggest problems now is getting over this other girl. I am still feeling attached to her and if I didn't still feel attached it all would have been false and fake for 10 months but I knew it wasn't. I wish that I had not lead her into sin and that she was still pure before God, but now I have helped her loose each other's purity and it tears me up inside. I just wish now that God would be speaking to her and helping her through her tough times. I feel very responsible for what happened considering I was the one who started the whole "relationship", but it was a choice on both our parts so its not only my fault. I also believe that it is kind of part of the consequence of a sinful relationship that I can't get her off my mind. I just ask God to take away those thoughts because that is not what I am supposed to be focussing on right now. I hope his will is the result of all this. I do not want to fall into this trap again and I don't want to forsake him. yet I don't want to leave someone hurt and ruined because of a choice I was involved in. It would leave tons of guilt on me and I already feel very guilty.
The reason I am writing this is because its good to get all this out of my system and the Bible says: "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." James 5:16 (ESV)
Back in February of 2009, I had started a relationship with a girl that lasted 8-9 months. It was ungodly and behind my parent's back. They tried stopping it three times but I continued after each. On the fourth time they succeeded and took away all privileges and everything. So the relationship slowly faded away. I also realized that the girl didn't really love me because she immediately started dating guys like crazy after me. This broke my heart yet made me thankful that I wasn't in a relationship with her. I am glad my parents got me out of it. I was extremely rebellious to my parents, I was sinning against God, and I was a jerk to everyone and my family during that time. The only thing I learned in that 8-9 months was how to do a better job of sneaking around. That was terrible and extremely sinful on my part. Because of that it was easier to do it again in a different relationship.
After a month or two of staying out of a relationship and trying to do good again, I had started another relationship. It started by chatting on Gmail and the conversations slowly got more intimate and more personal. Then after a month or two of that I had asked her if she loved me. That is where it got bad. This relationship lasted 10 months and during this relationship I gave more of my heart, more of my time, and more of my energy and thoughts. At the same time I was trying to focus on college and God. Evidently the relationship took the number one position on everything. It was again behind my parents backs but this time they had no idea for 9 months. During this time I got my first kiss. We also shared our virginity with each other. At the time, this was amazing to me and it was a sign of true love in my sinful eyes. We thought we loved each other and we did, but this was not a Godly kind of love. It was a sinful worldly kind of love. It was probably more lust than love. I now regret loosing my virginity and this was about 2 weeks ago that they caught us. Before they caught us we knew that it was fornication and that it was a major sin. We didn't have God in us and I believe that because of that it was easier for that to happen. I am not using that as an excuse because it was certainly a choice, but its also what happens when God is not in your life. This relationship was on a totally different level then the last one, but the common thing in both were, they were formed out of a worldly lust and view and they were complete rebellion and sin. This one ended with my parents almost having to stop the ministry, which would have been really bad for this town. My dad does tons of work for this town and using my dad and mom, God has changed this town tremendously. If they had stopped then this whole town would have slowly got worse I believe. But, God is now doing a work in my life.
My parents sat down with me the night they found out and I confessed everything. They had a hard time believing it was everything because of how many times I had broken their trust in the past and I don't blame them for it. They talked to me about what I should have done and about why it was wrong and they have helped me a lot. I still look at them and can't believe they still love me. I have made some very bad mistakes and I wouldn't have known how to deal with a child either without making himself feeling so bad that he commits suicide. They are so amazing and God works through them in many mighty ways. I am glad that God has never left me through this time. Without him continuing to be refreshed in my mind and to be constantly reminded of him, then I think I would be in a much worse spot than I am now.
One of my biggest problems now is getting over this other girl. I am still feeling attached to her and if I didn't still feel attached it all would have been false and fake for 10 months but I knew it wasn't. I wish that I had not lead her into sin and that she was still pure before God, but now I have helped her loose each other's purity and it tears me up inside. I just wish now that God would be speaking to her and helping her through her tough times. I feel very responsible for what happened considering I was the one who started the whole "relationship", but it was a choice on both our parts so its not only my fault. I also believe that it is kind of part of the consequence of a sinful relationship that I can't get her off my mind. I just ask God to take away those thoughts because that is not what I am supposed to be focussing on right now. I hope his will is the result of all this. I do not want to fall into this trap again and I don't want to forsake him. yet I don't want to leave someone hurt and ruined because of a choice I was involved in. It would leave tons of guilt on me and I already feel very guilty.
The reason I am writing this is because its good to get all this out of my system and the Bible says: "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." James 5:16 (ESV)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
PK Retreat '10
September 27th, 2010 I went to Pastor Kids Retreat.
When I first arrived we all instantly played games. After games for a little bit we went and settled our stuff in the cabins and then went to our camp opening meeting. After the camp opening we ate lunch and started getting used to the place. I met a few really cool guys and we played guitar and hung out during the whole camp. The first meeting we repented our sins and met with God for forgiveness. That night I felt really refreshed and much better. The next day we had a meeting about getting ready for our date with God. If you knew you were going on a date with a girl or guy that you really liked you would be thinking about it all day and be getting yourself ready for it. We learned that thats the same way we should think about our dates with God. Then that night we went on our date with God. It was awesome and very refreshing and he lifted the burden that was upon us pastor kids. The next morning we focused on how we need to take the stand and unite and fight back the enemy with God. Then the camp ended the 29th. The retreat was filled with games, snacks, friends, relaxation, and most importantly God.
Can't wait until next year!
When I first arrived we all instantly played games. After games for a little bit we went and settled our stuff in the cabins and then went to our camp opening meeting. After the camp opening we ate lunch and started getting used to the place. I met a few really cool guys and we played guitar and hung out during the whole camp. The first meeting we repented our sins and met with God for forgiveness. That night I felt really refreshed and much better. The next day we had a meeting about getting ready for our date with God. If you knew you were going on a date with a girl or guy that you really liked you would be thinking about it all day and be getting yourself ready for it. We learned that thats the same way we should think about our dates with God. Then that night we went on our date with God. It was awesome and very refreshing and he lifted the burden that was upon us pastor kids. The next morning we focused on how we need to take the stand and unite and fight back the enemy with God. Then the camp ended the 29th. The retreat was filled with games, snacks, friends, relaxation, and most importantly God.
Can't wait until next year!
Monday, September 13, 2010
School again...
Well, school has started and it has not really changed. Its the same old same old, just a little bit harder. School for us this year is taking place in our house which is quite cool because some of our friends are doing it with us. It makes it a lot better and more fun.
Since the last time I have posted I have found some new hobbies. One of them is StarCraft 2. It is a Strategy game made by Blizzard and it is extremely fun if you like Real Time Strategy games (games where you control almost like a city with little army dudes and go kill other cities or just economy games like that). I don't know what it is but those games are just so fun! Maybe its because God called me to be a leader and I just love strategy and leading... Ha ha. If anyone reading this blog has a StarCraft 2 account then please send me an email. Another one of my soon to be hobbies is the iPod Touch 4g that I have been waiting for, for so long! I literally have been waiting for an iPod Touch with a camera since before the 3g... So Yah now that they have that. I am going to buy one soon.
News on my car: Well... Good news and Bad news. I got the oil pan off and now I need to somehow get it out of the way. But to do that I need to unbolt a couple parts off the axle to drop it down or I need to lift the engine. I am going for the axle thing because it sounds easiest. So yah... All I need is some time and motivation. And I think I have time. I just use it for Farmville and StarCraft 2. Probably Shouldn't be using my time for that though.
Also If you want you can check out my Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/personwithak
It has some new videos every once in a while.
Since the last time I have posted I have found some new hobbies. One of them is StarCraft 2. It is a Strategy game made by Blizzard and it is extremely fun if you like Real Time Strategy games (games where you control almost like a city with little army dudes and go kill other cities or just economy games like that). I don't know what it is but those games are just so fun! Maybe its because God called me to be a leader and I just love strategy and leading... Ha ha. If anyone reading this blog has a StarCraft 2 account then please send me an email. Another one of my soon to be hobbies is the iPod Touch 4g that I have been waiting for, for so long! I literally have been waiting for an iPod Touch with a camera since before the 3g... So Yah now that they have that. I am going to buy one soon.
News on my car: Well... Good news and Bad news. I got the oil pan off and now I need to somehow get it out of the way. But to do that I need to unbolt a couple parts off the axle to drop it down or I need to lift the engine. I am going for the axle thing because it sounds easiest. So yah... All I need is some time and motivation. And I think I have time. I just use it for Farmville and StarCraft 2. Probably Shouldn't be using my time for that though.
Also If you want you can check out my Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/personwithak
It has some new videos every once in a while.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
My Car
Well, I just got a new car. Its an AMC Eagle. They are pretty sweet! I changed the steering wheel on it yesterday to a racing styled one and now I have to take the oil pan off so I can replace the rear main seal. Then it wont eat through gas so much. I am getting excited about summer. Once I get my license I will be able to drive around anywhere in my new car! Hopefully summer won't fly by very fast. Lately I have had lots of fun with Tien', Min, and Auston. I wish Tien' didn't have to leave. I am going to miss him a lot! We are having lots of fun before he leaves which is in like 1-2 days. The Min Leaves the 17th. And then the Rich's leave the 21st! Everyone is leaving.... :( I hope this schooling program that my mom is setting up called ONVI is going to work well. It sounds awesome and we might do some good stuff for the town. Oh and I recently painted my room. It is pretty cool. Toady I am going to try and get more bolts off of my car, and also I am going to try and break up more cement in the back yard.
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